After the Death
What you do after a loved one dies is determined by where their death occurred. If they died in a hospital or a nursing home facility, you can simply have the institution to contact the funeral home of your choice to have the body picked up. You can then contact the funeral home to set up a time for you to come in and speak with the funeral director.
If your loved one should die at home, you will have to call the police and the EMTs. Someone has to call time of death and sign off on the death certificate. In a facility, this will be done by the staff. But in a home situation, a qualified person has to come and call time of death. This can be a hospice nurse, a RN, a doctor, or perhaps an EMT. After the death has been called and recorded, then you can call the funeral home and have the body removed. You can then set up a time to meet with the funeral director to make funeral arrangements.
At the Funeral Home
When speaking with the funeral director, there are several things that must be decided. It is a good idea for you to take another rational person with you. It is a longstanding rumor that funeral directors often prey on the emotions of the family to up-sell funeral services. Have in mind an idea of how much you are going to spend on the funeral. As of today, you can get a decent funeral for about $7,000, sealed vault included. Some additional services might include obituaries, flowers, opening and closing of the grave, and transportation of the body from one site/state to another. There also may be additional fees if you want the funeral held at the funeral home.
Some funeral homes offer packages in which certain funeral services are included. These services include: work of funeral director and staff, embalming, certain preparation of the body, casket, and the funeral service. This also may include the transfer of the body from the place of death to the funeral home. Ask your funeral director. Personally, I advise you speaking with your funeral director prior to the person’s passing. This will allow you to be in a less emotional mindset and thus able to make more reasonable choices.
There are some things you will need to know when you go speak with the funeral director. What is the date of birth/death of your loved one? Where were they born? Who are their parents? What is their mother’s maiden name? Did they have any children? What are/were their names and the names of their spouses? Where do they live? Were they in the military? If so, do you want a flag for the coffin? Do you want military presence at the funeral? (Is your loved one was in the military, the funeral home will need to contact the VA in order to request the flag, a VA-provided headstone, and reimbursement for certain funeral expenses.) What type of monument/headstone do you want? What do you want on it? Will you buy the flowers separate or do you want the funeral home to supply them? Do you want a wake? If so, when? The funeral director may be able to order death certificates. You should decide how many you want to have. There is a cost for each one. Keep in mind some institutions require originals while others will accept copies.
If you don’t have a plot already, you may need to purchase one. The funeral home will need to know where this plot will be prior to the funeral because they will need to know where the burial will be (unless the party is cremated, in which case they’ll need to know the name of the crematorium, if they do not provide such services). The funeral home will also need to arrange police escort to the burial site.
Of course, the most important thing to discuss with the funeral director is the cost. You can start off telling them how much you are willing or wanting to spend and they will try to put together something within your budget. You also need to discuss how the funeral services will be paid for. Is the family going to pay cash? Does the deceased have life insurance? If so, you will need the insurance policy so the funeral home can verify that the policy is still in effect and arrange payment. If the deceased had a prepaid burial plan, bring that policy with you. In my Pre-Need seminars, I often advise people to buy prepaid burial plans. With them, most of these decisions have already been made.
Planning the Funeral
When planning the funeral it is important to get everyone’s input. The funeral is for the family not the deceased. Get input as to: What will the deceased wear? Where will the funeral be held? (The time and location of the funeral should already have been decided prior to meeting with the funeral director.) You should also decide how long you want the funeral to be. Discuss this with the funeral director because certain packages include a funeral of certain lengths, usually an hour. Determine what type of funeral you want. Do you want a somber funeral, a celebratory funeral, an evangelical funeral, or some blending of them? This will help in deciding the answers to the following: Who will deliver the eulogy? What songs will be song? Who will sing them? What scriptures will be read and who will read them? Will there be testimonials and how much time will be allotted for them? Who will serve as pallbearers? Who will design the obituary and how many will you print? After the funeral, will there be a repast? If so, where will it be held?
As you can see, there are a host of things that need to be taken care of and a host of decisions to be made. As soon as you know your loved one will be passing on, you should start making decisions about funeral arrangements. You should also know or learn where important papers are like military discharge papers, insurance policies, money, Wills, and other papers. Discuss with your loved one what they would like to do with such items as clothing and dishes. Larger things should be covered by the Will.
What I’ve written here is based on my own experiences. I am sure it is not all inclusive. For more information, please contact your local funeral director or minister. Get with your family members and make plans. Another thing I advise in my seminars is that you begin planning your own funeral. After all, we all will die one day. Let’s not leave those decisions to our loved ones. If you do, “you will be saying you love them even from beyond the grave.”
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